I Will Return

I feel like I am vibrating! I don't know if its because I just got out of a spin cycle, or because I feel a vibration in the Spirit that is making me very restless. I am almost to the point of anger. I feel like people are speaking, but not saying anything... kind of like the the teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoons. It is just days before Easter and I feel as though I could just cry, people around me just don't get it. It's all about a sacrifice that was made for us over 2000 years ago by God who came to earth in the flesh. He died for our sins, and then was resurrected on the third day in order to be with us forever. I feel like people hear it, and they understand, but that it does not penetrate deep into the core of their hearts. Sometimes, I feel like I am at a tailgate party for the best team in town and when the team does not produce the results that the fans desire they pack up and leave. Its like we just go to church because we have to, isn't it expected? But, when it gets to the core people don't really know the reason why they attend church, except out of ritual and religion.
The spin cycle I referred to earlier is a spiritual "spin cycle". I feel as though for the longest time I was spinning, going through the motions but never really getting anywhere. Then I realized that Jesus was so much more than my Savior, and it pierced my heart to the core. I realized that He is my Healer, my Provider, my Friend, my Redeemer, my Lover, my Beloved, and my Bridegroom. When I realized all He truly is to me, and what He has done all in the Name of Love, I was able to get out of the spin cycle and allow God to start the process He desired to complete in me. Often we look at God as the answer to the need we have that is urgent, or as the tool to get what we desire in life. So, we wade out into the waters of life on our own "using" God as a buoy when we get in too deep. This is so far from the role that our Heavenly Father wants to play in our lives. It makes me almost angry! I just want to scream, "Don't you get it!". But, I don't because God requires me to work and minister in the love He has for His people, a tender love that is so patient and kind. A love that is so overwhelming, that when you really feel it your breath will be taken away!
We all have things and circumstances in our lives that take our time and attention away from God. If we all looked closely, most of us could admit that we do not spend the time with God that He desires of us. Most people would be able to admit that God is second to many things in their lives.... work, family, friends, hobbies, entertainment, media, vacations, partying, drugs, the list is never ending. But, these are not the things that God desires us to fill our lives and hearts with. He wants us to give Him an undivided heart. He wants us to turn away from the things we use to fill the void in our empty hearts and turn to Him to fill that void.
Turn with me to Hosea 2. Let me set the scene if I may.... the book of Hosea is about a man named Hosea who takes Gomer a prostitute as his wife. Gomer bears Hosea children and God tells Hosea to name these children names that have prophetic meaning to Israel. As time goes on Hosea goes to his children and tells them in prophetic words what will happen to Gomer and the nation of Israel.
"For their mother has played the harlot; she who conceived them has done shamefully, for she said , I will go after my lovers that give me my food and my water, my wool and my flax, my oil and my refreshing drinks." Hosea 2:5 (Amplified)
Here Hosea is talking about Gomer and her lifestyle of being a harlot. He talks of how Gomer looks to her lovers for fulfillment of her needs. Huh! Sound familiar? I will share with you that I never studied theses verses in depth, until my own daughter brought them to my attention. The more time I have spent in them, the more treasure I have found. Hosea was speaking of Gomer, but remember he was a prophet. Hosea was also speaking of the world.
"Therefore, behold I [the Lord God] will hedge up her way [even yours, O Israel] with thorns; and I will build a wall against her that she shall not find her paths. And she shall follow after her lovers, but she shall not overtake them; and she shall seek them [inquiring for and requiring them], but shall not find them. Then shall she say, Let me go and return to my first husband, for then was it better with me than now." Hosea 2:6-7 (Amplified)
The more I read those verses the more they dig deep down into my heart, digging up roots so long forgotten and disregarded as normal. Roots that were planted by other lovers, things that have long pulled me away and distracted me from my One True Love. Things that I have in the words of my wise daughter, "prostituted myself out to". Things that I thought would fill my empty heart, things that I thought would fill the void in my soul. Things I did not want to let go of because they "comforted" me, for a season. Things I convinced myself were even in the name of Jesus, but they were just things to make me feel better, active, more involved.
Look deep inside... I bet I am not the only one who has these things rooted deep within. Rooted so deep they have gotten entangled and you can't tell one from the other and maybe can't even tell a good root from a bad root. In the words of Isaiah, "And now I will tell you what I will do to My vineyard: I will take away its hedge, and it shall be eaten and burned up; and I will break down its wall, and it shall be trodden down [by enemies]. And I will lay it waste; it shall not be pruned or cultivated, but there shall come up briers and thorns. I will also command the clouds that they rain no rain upon it." Isaiah 5:6-7 (Amplified)
God does not want your heart to sit and lay in waste. He desires for your "vineyard" to grow plenty and fruitful. All it takes is surrendering to Him. The things you "prostitute" yourself out to, hold you in bondage and hold you a prisoner in the "vineyard" of your heart. Jesus, wants so desperately to breakdown that stronghold and be near to you. He wants so much to be the Lover of Your Soul. He is calling you to return to your First Love!!
"Therefore behold I will allure her [Israel] and bring her into the wilderness, and I will speak tenderly and to her heart. There I will give her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor [troubling] to be for her a door of hope and expectation. And she shall sing there and respond as in the days of her youth and as at the time when she came up out of the land of Egypt." Hosea 2:14-15
As we approach Easter look with me to the cross, and beyond to the resurrection in a new light, with new eyes. Seeing God to be Your First Love, the Lover of Your Soul. The Bondage Breaker, that just wants you to love Him in return, that just wants you to fellowship with Him, that just wants to spend time with you, and that just wants to share His heart with you. In order to do all of that, we have to get rid of all the junk that holds us back.... control, fear, unforgiveness, rejection, religion, shame, and bitterness. Allow Him to start the work in you today. You may say I want Him too, but I don't know how. Just tell Jesus you surrender to Him and the Holy Spirit will take care of the rest. It is not easy, and is rather hard at times. But, the continuous process of refinement, purification, and growth is so worth the price. It will bring you to a place you have never been before, a place where you no longer have need of any other "lover" to fill your soul but, Your One and Only First Love.